g o o d b y e.

[pinkparade]

 i guess this is it.

 

In four days, I will be graduating from high school. I will legally never have to attend school again.

For the past few months, the idea of graduating has been totally fuzzy in my mind. It’s like my body has been rejecting it—barring me from realizing that it’s here, it’s really here. I’m done with school and all of these people that I’ve known for all of these years are going elsewhere, and I likely will never see them again. It would be pretty scary if not for the constant reassurance that “everything will be okay.” Even if it’s not true, the statement itself provides at least a little comfort, I guess.

What people always say is actually true: things will change, and they’re going to change pretty fast. It’ll feel like everything is in fast-forward while you’re sitting there trying to keep up with the motion. Everyone around you is doing something that seems so important, and you feel like you’re just… stuck. People constantly talk about this sort of feeling but I never actually considered it until it became reality. Even though I know other people feel the same way, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for myself. I’m alone—no one is with me in this. Everyone has their own thing going on. Everyone is slipping through my fingers.

When people ask me, I always give the same vague answer about what I plan to do with my future. Go to community college for two years, transfer to my ideal university, and get a degree in environmental science. I’m not sure that’s what I even want to do anymore. I’ve just said it so many times that it feels like that’s maybe what I possibly want to do with my life. I don’t even know what I can do with a degree like that. Teach? Burn it? Save the world from its inevitable and violent demise? Doubt it.

So here I am, with graduation only days away, having no clue what I’m doing or want to do with my life. At least I can drive a car. 

With the summer holiday coming up, it's feasible to assume there will be more "regular" updates.